Hey everyone I just wanted to let you know I’ll be featured live on the radio tomorrow in Sydney, Australia, Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 6:45 p.m. with Captain Pat.  It will be a very short 5-6 minute stint, so if you’d like to catch it, tune in a bit earlier.

Here are the dates and times it will be on in different cities.

• Honolulu – 10:45 pm – Saturday May 28
• US Pacific Time – 1:45 am – Sunday May 29
• US Mountain Time – 2:45 am – Sunday May 29
• US Central Time – 3:45 am – Sunday May 29
• US Eastern Time – 4:45 am – Sunday May 29
• London – 9:45 am – Sunday May 29
• Paris – 10:45 am – Sunday May 29
• Hong Kong – 4:45 pm – Sunday May 29
• Perth – 4:45 pm – Sunday May 29
• Melbourne – 6:45 pm – Sunday May 29
• Sydney – 6:45 pm – Sunday May 29

You can stream it live online.  Just click the link below and click on the blue button at the top that says “Listen Live”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>http://www.c913.com.au/<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Image by Karthick Makka via Flickr

I’ve found that life tends to clutter our minds

The hustle and bustle of juggling the many facets of our busy lives, can make it challenging to keep a clear headspace. Keep it clear we must, though, otherwise we soon find it difficult to focus.

I’ve never really had writer’s block until recently.

It’s quite the frustrating experience really, but I suppose every writer encounters this hurdle at one point or another.

Sometimes I get an idea, but don’t feel moved to write about it at that moment.  Other times I feel moved to write, but don’t have an idea.  Then other times I just can’t sit myself down long enough to focus on writing about a potential topic.

Oddly enough though, I managed to come up with the idea for this blog post while I was in my place of focus this evening, the shower.

That being said, I’d like to toss out a few ideas to help you find your focus.  I’d love to hear some of your ideas in the comments section as well!

1. Shower and Bath

I’m sure we’ve all heard this one before.

I don’t know what it is about the shower, but there’s something soothing about it that just relaxes the body.  There’s also nothing like turning down the lights with a few scented candles and melting away in a hot bath either.

Water seems to have an element of tranquillity.

2. Darkness

I’m not sure if I’ve heard too many people mention this one or not, but I find that sitting in the dark can be helpful in focusing.

With the lights off, everything around you is out of focus.  There is nothing for you to see that can distract you.  Just think of what it’s like in a movie theater when the lights go out.  There’s a reason for this: people will focus on the screen in front.

3. Out in Nature

Being out in nature also helps one to focus.

Foliage and greenery seems to have relaxation properties.  Waterfalls, though noisy, also helps to calm the nerves just like a shower does.  The birds chirping are like a good morning lullaby.

4. Late at Night or Early in the Morning

Many people find that they get more work done and have a clearer mind early in the morning.  Others, including myself, find it easier to focus at night.

Perhaps it as something to do with whether we are Night Owls or Early Birds.

Knowing that much of the rest of the city is asleep can be soothing.

5. Keeping it Quiet

Staying in a quiet environment can also help you to focus.  Again, probably since there are less distractions, it’s easier to keep a clear mind and think.

6. A Clean and Clutter Free Environment

Some people have no probably tuning out a messy surrounding when trying to focus, but for the rest of us it can be very helpful to keep your workspace clear.  If you find yourself quite affected by your surroundings, make sure you do this.

7. Slow Down

Our pace of life affects our pace of thought. If we’re constantly having to react to stimuli around us, our minds have no chance to focus and relax.  If you slow down the pace of your life, you’ll have the capacity to focus on other things.

8. Stay Healthy

When you’re sick or not feeling well, it’s hard to think about anything except how miserable you feel.  Keeping a healthy body can help you free your mind and focus much better.

9. Get Some Rest

So I suppose my post about How to Stay Awake: 10 Tips to Avoid Falling Asleep at Night probably isn’t the best point of reference for sleep, but getting some rest can help you to focus and relax. Similar to being sick, being tired makes it difficult to focus on anything.

10. Think of Yourself as Being in a Bubble

Just imagine yourself as having a clear plastic bubble with silence, that blocks you from the rest of the world.  Everything outside of your little bubble disappears and all that affects you is what is in this tiny space.  You’re like a self-contained unit that cannot be fazed.

Anyway, I hope that some of these tips help you out.  I’d love to hear some of your tips and tricks, suggestions, and ideas as well!

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever had a friend who asked you for advice?

Did he ask you for advice and do the opposite of what you said?

Maybe you got the feeling that he didn’t want your advice in the first place?

Perhaps, you’ve even felt as though he already decided what to do and only wanted you to give him the okay to proceed?

I’m sure we’ve all encountered this situation at one point or another in our lives.

Facing the frustration

It can certainly be frustrating when the person asks you for advice and doesn’t listen.

You might be thinking, “Why did you ask me in the first place if you didn’t really want to hear what I had to say?!”

“What an idiot,” you might think.

Perhaps even worse, maybe you think or feel that your friend is making a big mistake!  Everything is crystal clear to you and you can’t understand why he didn’t listen!

Whatever it is that you are feeling, realize that this is natural and perhaps even a good thing.

Frustration means you care

The fact that you are frustrated during this process shows that you care about the person.

“The opposite of love is indifference,” my friend from college used to say.  If you didn’t care about this person you probably wouldn’t have had that same emotional response.

Your concern for this person is admirable enough.

Focusing on the person

During times like these, when our friends seek advice from us, it is imp0rtant to remember that this is about the person and not ourselves.

It can be easy to focus on the frustration, especially if we think we’re right about what the person should do.  When focusing on our frustration, however, we can hardly focus on the other person.

Resist the temptation to feed these feelings of frustration.  Experience them, but let them pass.

Acknowledge their right to personal choice

Related to focusing on the person, is the acknowledgment that because the matter is about the person who approached you, recognize that he is entitled to follow your advice or not. 

Just like your frustration indicates that you care about the other person, the fact that he or she is asking you specifically show that they value your opinion at least somewhat. 

Support the person’s decision

After having expressed your thoughts on the situation, and the person deciding to do what they want to do anyway, all we can do is support the person.

We don’t necessarily need to agree with what the person will say or do, but we cannot change what course of action he or she will take. 

Let the person know that you’re here for them regardless of the outcome.

Personal Growth Challenge – Letting others make their own mistakes

We may not always be “right” when it comes to the advice we give to others, but we may certainly think so.  It may even turn out that we are wrong and the person’s decision worked out to their benefit. 

Whatever the result, let’s challenge ourselves to be honest with people about we think and how they should proceed.  Then after we’ve “said our piece,” let’s challenge ourselves to let the person decide for himself.  Let’s challenge ourselves to support this person and his decision.  Finally, let’s challenge ourselves to let others make their own mistakes and be comfortable with doing so.

Sometimes, the best way to learn in life is to learn through one’s mistakes.  Don’t rob another person of this tremendous opportunity to learn.  After all, we can always turn mistakes into opportunities.

Image by Robert Couse-Baker via Flickr

It’s been 15 months since the launch of Looking For My Life, 10 months since I had embarked on a Southeast Asian tour, 6 months since my last blog post, and 5 months since I ended my travel to move to Sydney.

As I’ve had a chance to get settled over the last few months, I’ve contemplated returning to the blogosphere to begin writing again, but a compelling force was simply absent.  It wasn’t until about a week and a half ago, when I received an email requesting that I review a book, that I revisited this possibility.

Finally, I decided that it was time to resuscitate Looking For My Life.

So the first thing I did was turn to a friend who is both a great listener and generous with her time.

Expressing my disappointment of having taken such a long hiatus from blogging, I was greeted by these words of reassurance and insight:

“Sometimes it’s better to be out living, than to be writing about living.  In the end it will make being a writer than much more significant.”

With these words of wisdom in mind, it is my hope that I can convey their truth in the following post about breaking out of our molds and living life to its fullest.

Though this post may bear a resemblance to a previous post:

How to Avoid Living Your Life on Autopilot: Making Your Life More Interesting and Meaningful

The focus will be slightly different.

You’re boring – Reality check

Ironically, what inspired today’s post was a comment made by a friend who recently called me boring.

Doubly ironic, is the fact that preceding this conversation, we were on a wild trek in the rainforest, as clouds were dumping rain and leeches were feasting upon us.

Perhaps, there is some truth in her words though.

After all, growing up as a kid, I’d frequently say “I’m boring,” instead of “I’m bored!” 

Nevertheless, it is times like these in our lives, when others force us to face a bit of a reality check.  We begin to contemplate our approach to the world.

We wake up to the blaring sound of the clarion call to reinvigorate and inject ourselves with life!

Assessing your fun factor

With thoughts in our minds that we may not be living our lives as frivolously and wild as we dreamed of when we were kids, it is time to assess where we are in life.

Are we coming home after work everyday with nothing to do but sit on the couch watching TV?  Are we turning down opportunities to experience all the joys life has to offer?  Do we lack motivation and wait for something to happen to us?

Or are we jumping at every opportunity to try and see something new?  Are we making the most of our after school and after work hours? Are we delving into the unknown with wanton abandon?

Let us identify where we are at, both relative to others and our past selves, so that we may begin to break out of our current molds.

Pushing your boundaries to break the mold

Your mold is like a snow globe.

Things may seem peaceful and pleasurable at first.  When you shake up the globe, however, you see all of the pretty flakes floating and you see beauty.  There is an element of calmness within the apparent storm.

It is within this storm of stirring things up in our lives, that we have new experiences and fun while forging bonds with others. 

Thus, once we have wrapped our minds around how we are actually living, it is necessary to take action.

In shaking things up a bit we can break out of our molds, and when we can break out of our molds, we can gain a sense of perspective.

Forming a new mold and settling into it

Inevitably, once we break a mold, a new one begins to form.

We start to get into the swing of things.  We become comfortable with our newly created selves.  Life is enriched.

As we become acquainted with this newly adventurous person, we feel a bit lighter and develop a bouncier step.

Then the newness wears off and we settle into our new self. 

Concluding thoughts…

As we settle into our new selves, though, we may or may not always like what we see.  Fortunately, we are creatures of plasticity and can break out of old molds t0 form new ones.

In the event that we have no desire to break the mold in the first place, it will eventually be broken for us in one way or another anyway.

As the ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said, “Nothing endures but change.”

It is better to bring about change out of one’s own volition, than to be blindsided by the stormy tides.

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever been hurt so bad that it’s hard to forget about what someone did to you?

Even though it may have been 5 or 10 years ago, it feels like yesterday and the pain just won’t go away.

You can’t stop thinking about what happened.  No matter what the person says or does won’t give you your life back.  You find that even though someone may have apologized, it’s just not satisfying and good enough.

You feed the infection.

Some people can let go soon after, others can never let go.  Most are somewhere in between.

No matter where you are in the spectrum, it’s important to be able to let go when you’ve been hurt.

Here’s why, and here’s how:

Holding on to anger only hurts you

Focusing on your pain and suffering is like pouring salt on a wound.

If the person that treated you poorly has no remorse, you’ll be feeling awful and he or she won’t even care.  Worse yet, if the person is sadistic, you’ll be giving them pleasure when you’re in pain.

You’re the only one that feels the deep pain, why not let go and get rid of it?

It takes more energy to feed the hurt and anger

You may not realize it at the time, but when you’re feeding the hurt and anger, ruminating over the details of what happened, it takes more energy than if you just let it all go.

Think about it, you actually have to sit there, focus, and concentrate on the feeling of pain and anger in order to keep the fire going.  If you stopped paying attention to it, the feeling would go away.

If you focused on something productive as much as you do on the pain and hurt, you’d be launching yourself to more success!

Hurt and anger are barriers to repairing relationships

On the other hand, if the person is genuinely sorry and wants to make amends, holding onto your hurt and anger will prevent the relationship from progressing further.

You may think that you’re making progress, but if you’re so focused on what the person did to you, it’s difficult to truly open yourself up to reconnecting with the person.

Pain and anger keep us closed and guarded, the very things that sabotage one of the tenets of a solid relationship, openness.

Realize the past can never be undone

When you realize and believe that what’s done is done, and the past is the past, you’ll be much closer to letting go after you’ve been hurt.

Unless someone invents a time machine, nothing the person says or does will ever fix what happened.

Some of the time, things can be fixed, but you cannot expect the person to undo what they’ve already done.

Free yourself of expectations

Just as in the article, “The Best Plan is No Plan,” the idea is that if you rid yourself of highly specific expectations, you’ll be much happier.

If you expect this person to behave and act a certain way, you’ll probably be disappointed.

People do change over time, but it takes a conscious effort and desire to do so.

Be happy if she does change, but don’t expect it to happen.  It’s icing on the cake, so to speak.

Accept the person as he or she is

That being said, you should accept for who he is in life.

Once you realize that the person will probably behave in a similar manner, you’ll be better prepared.

Express how you felt and listen to what the person says

Get it off your chest.

Let the person know they’ve hurt or wronged you.  Usually people know that they’ve done something wrong.

See if he apologizes and appears to be genuinely sorry for what he did to you.

If the person is sorry, you can then choose to pursue rebuilding the relationship, or moving on with your life.

Leap of faith

Finally, the last and most important thing to do is to take a leap of faith.

You may say, “How could I ever forget about what she did to me?”

You’ll never forget what happened, but by taking this leap of faith forward, you are choosing not to focus on the past.  It’s like jumping blindly forward, hoping things will be ok, and forcing everything behind you, so that you cannot see or focus on those things.

Instead you can only see what’s in front of you.

In this way, you’ll have a much easier time letting go of the pain after you’ve been hurt.

Image by Horia Varlan via Flickr

The last topic here on Looking For My Life was, “Don’t Talk to Strangers: The Worst Advice Your Parents Ever Gave You.”  In the last section, “Call to Action,” I urged readers to strike up a conversation with someone new, but only briefly covered how one might go about doing this.

I thought it might be helpful to discuss how one could actually start a conversation with a stranger.

Here are some tips, helpful hints, and advice on how to break the ice and start a conversation with a stranger.

Start with a Smile

In life, when in doubt, smile!

If you approach someone with an angry grimace, you’ll give off a vibe of aggression.  A smile shows that you’re friendly and harmless.

Need some help with that?  Check out, How to Keep on Smiling!

If you feel awkward, the conversation will probably be awkward

When approaching someone, if you’re feeling uneasy and shy about the conversation, there’s a good chance the other person might feel the same way.

How you feel and what you project sets the tone of the conversation. 

If you want the conversation to be relaxed and be effortless, you must feel that way.  At the very least you need to project confidence.

Be aware of a person’s emotions

Pay attention to how the person may be feeling.

If you notice that the person seems especially happy, ask if something amazing happened today.  Perhaps the person seems sad about something, you could ask how they are doing and if they are ok.  Or maybe someone seems frustrated by a store policy, you could join in on their frustration.

When people are experiencing a particular emotion, often times they may want to talk about it or share their thoughts or feelings with another person.  If so, this is a great opportunity for you to break the ice and start a conversation with this stranger.

Occasionally, you might meet someone who will blatantly tell you or more subtly hint that he wants to be left alone.  In this case, the person is probably sad, frustrated, angry, or embarrassed about something.  Be respectful of the individual’s personal space, back up a bit, and perhaps the person may open up.  If not, leave things alone.

Be sincere

It is especially important to be sincere when you’re approaching someone about how they may be feeling about something.  If the person suspects you’re just going through the motions or asking in passing, more often than not she won’t engage you in conversation.

Sincerity is an invite to talk.

No one likes to talk to a charlatan, a fake, a fraud, or someone who isn’t genuinely interested in what you have to say.

Just like you would in building your network, be sincere and respectful.

Comment on or ask a question about a shared experience or emotion

Common denominators are always a good starting point for a conversation.

Find anything that may connect the both of you and show that you have something in common.

Commenting on the comedian that’s on stage, the awful smell in the restaurant, or asking where someone got something is a great way to strike up a conversation, because both of you will have something to say about the matter.  Maybe the person is holding your favorite album and the artist happens to be in town, so you ask the person if he is going to the concert.

Anything small or big can invite the person to engage in a conversation with you. 

Offer to help

You shouldn’t really need any reason to help someone in the first place, but helping someone is also great way to break the ice and get a conversation going as well.

Offering to help someone will make the person’s life easier.  You could assist by carrying groceries or even coming to a person’s aid after she tripped.

The person will be grateful of the fact that you cared enough to check up on her or help her do something.  This creates a bond between the two of you and is a great gateway to a fruitful conversation.

Again, sincerity counts!

Ask for Help

Most people would be glad to help you with a small task if it’s not too inconvenient for them.  Very few people will refuse to help you with something small.

This is a great opportunity to strike up a conversation with a stranger and chit chat while the person is helping you.  After all, it would be rude to ignore the person while he is helping you!

Compliment the person

If you see notice something about someone or see that he or she is wearing something outstanding, compliment him or her.

Everyone likes a bit of positive feedback and if you genuinely appreciate something about a person, let him or her know.  Not only will you make the person feel good about himself, but you’ll also be that much more likeable.  The next thing you know, you’ll be chatting away for hours.

Be random

Sometimes you don’t really need a reason that fits the circumstances in order to break the ice and talk to a stranger.

Be random.

You’ll be surprised by the responses you get if you just randomly start a conversation with someone out of the blue.  You could say something off the wall and see her reaction.  Alternatively, you could also ask the person something random and wait for her response.

If you have any experiences or other helpful hints, I’d be glad to hear them and I’m sure it would be helpful for others as well!

Image via Wikipedia

One of the first things we learn as kids is that we shouldn’t talk to strangers.

Parents teach us to keep to ourselves and avoid people we don’t know.  It’s as if an unfamiliar person is somehow inherently a danger to us.

“You could be kidnapped,” our folks would say.

Embedded in this possibility is an element of fear instilled in us from a very young age.

For many, the reasons to avoid strangers are readily apparent and self-explanatory.  After all, children are very curious beings, who have a tendency to explore the unknown, and may not have the same level of discernment an adult has developed over time.  Still, there comes a point in our lives when sticking to this golden rule is perhaps more of a detriment to our life journey than a benefit.

Here is why your parents’ advice not to talk to strangers is probably the worst advice ever.

Every person you currently know was once a stranger to you

Our parents were even strangers to us when we were in our mothers’ wombs.  As our cognitive abilities developed, we gradually came to recognize our mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, etc. 

Here we can see that every person we currently know was at one point or another a strange and unfamiliar person in our lives.

Therefore, this is a natural process that contradicts the conventional “wisdom” of our parents.

Meeting strangers is a great way to avoid living your life on autopilot

Sometimes in our lives we get stuck in a box or get caught in a rut.  Somehow we just end up on autopilot mode where everything becomes a blur, time goes by so quickly, and we find ourselves doing the opposite of what our inner voices are telling us to do.

Meeting new people is a great way to avoid living your life on autopilot.

Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Sticking to the familiar and the people we know gives us a solid foundation, but doesn’t allow us to branch out.  Strangers help create ripples in our lives and give us a push in a divergent direction.

Of course, change for the sake of change isn’t always good, but if it’s not working out you can always get back on course.

Getting to know new people also leads to new adventures and experiences

Somewhat related to the previous point of strangers helping us to avoid living our lives on autopilot, is the thought that they can also broaden our horizons and introduce us to new experiences.

When we meet new people who come from other places, have different backgrounds, and who view the world in a different light, we inevitably get pushed in new directions. 

For example, a few days ago on a bus, I had a conversation with someone on the way from Manila, Philippines to Batangas City.  It turns out that the person ended up showing me around a bit, inviting me over to eat authentic Filipino food, and taking me to see how people live.

Had I followed the traditional advice to never talk to strangers, I would have missed out on this amazing experience.  The food was a culinary delight, and being invited in someone’s home as a guest was not an experience I could have signed up for at a tourist agency.

You just never know what adventures new people have in store for you.

Strangers become friends, spouses, and professional contacts

If you close your mind to engaging with strangers, you’ll be missing out on bountiful opportunities to meet new friends, possibly your future spouse, or even people who could become a part of your professional network.

These are just some of the people who you could potentially meet.

You might also happen to meet a new tennis partner or someone who also happens to enjoy sci-fi or knitting.  Perhaps the stranger standing before you offers you a job that will change your life and propel your career upward.

Sometimes you may have little choice but to engage a stranger so get used to it

There are times in our lives when we don’t know anyone.

We could be going off to college, starting a new job, or giving a sales pitch amongst unfamiliar people.  In each one of these situations, the chances are great that we do not already know someone in the room.

If we choose not to engage these strangers, we’ll soon find ourselves lonely or possibly without a job.

We certainly do have choice whether or not to engage new people in these situations, but we’ll often find that costs of inaction are much greater than interacting with these people.

Call to action

It really shouldn’t take much convincing for you to see the benefits of talking to new people.  You just never know where life will take you when you open the door to new people. 

I urge you to strike up a conversation with someone new today.

For those of you who might be a bit shy, look for the nicest looking person in the room who seems to be chatty and smiling.  People generally send out signals to the world if they want to be engaged or left alone.  Sometimes people who wear a “Do Not Disturb” sign on their forehead actually want to chat as well, but it may be safer to engage a more open and friendly looking person.

Until you break the ice and find out what the person is about, he is just another nameless body walking around.

When you open yourself up to new people, you open yourself up to a new world of opportunity!

 Image by The Rocketeer via Flickr

As I’ve been on the road doing a bit of traveling, I have often been asked,

“Where will you go next?” or “What do you plan to do in the future?”

Being asked these questions so many times has motivated me to consider the concept of planning in greater depth.

Indeed, there are some people who are able to answer these questions with ease and confidence, seemingly knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives.  Others may hesitate, however, struggling to find a clear indication that they want to do one thing or another.

Whether you’re more like the first person or the second, the best plan is still not to plan, and here’s why.

Life rarely happens according to your plans anyway

One example of this can be found with children.

Often when children are young, they may say that they will be a fireman or a nurse.  Then when you fast forward 20 years, you’ll find that they might end up being engineers or mechanics instead for any number of reasons.

Another example is when you look at construction costs for a building.

Though the people might have planned for a $5 million dollar budget for the project, in actuality the costs will inevitably rise as the project progresses.  This is because new unanticipated challenges and costs arose along the way.

Essentially, in life, we see ourselves doing one thing at one point in time and end up doing something else completely different.  This is because we base our plans on the information we have about ourselves or our evaluation of the situation at that moment.

As we and our perceptions change along with the facts and circumstances, so do our plans. 

Sticking to a faulty plan, is planning to fail.

Perhaps this might seem a bit contradictory from the original expression:

“Failing to plan, is planning to fail,”

but sticking to a faulty plan, is also like planning to fail.

Just as in the case of building construction costs, we cannot foresee all unknown factors.

When we plan we take into consideration all known and anticipated elements.  Often times other challenges and issues arise.  If we stick to the original plan with new information, we may not achieve the optimal outcome. 

For example, suppose you receive news that the major highway you had planned to take on your road trip was backed up for miles because of an accident.  You could continue to go on that highway, because you planned on it, or you could change your route.  Sticking to your original plan would probably cost you hours of your time, while adjusting to the situation may provide a much better road trip experience.

In short, we should never be so set on our original plans that we cannot change them.

Have a vision, not a plan.

Given that plans don’t always play out according to how they were originally structured,  and that persisting with a faulty plan is like planning to fail, we might consider taking a slightly different approach instead.

Have a vision instead of a plan.

The nature of a plan is that it is regimented and clearly laid out.  A vision is a flexible “plan” that allows you to change your specific route while keeping your end goal in mind.

It allows you to pursue one path and still be happy finding yourself on another later on.

Is planning really all that bad?

No, conventional wisdom recommends lots of planning to give you the best chance of success.

There is indeed some truth to this,  but the other side of the coin needs to be addressed as well.  That is to say that while getting your ducks in a row might be the obvious approach to life, “going with the flow” is also relevant to the conversation.

At the end of the day, a healthy combination of planning and adaptability will ensure the best chance chance for success.

Image via Wikipedia

 “A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.”

Unknown

“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to”

John Ed Pearce

Lately, I have been captivated by getting all my ducks in a row, so that I can embark on the next adventure in my life.

As I’ve been preparing to leave Hawaii yet again, one of the biggest questions on my mind is:

What is home?

This question is especially important, since I’ve lived a rather transient lifestyle over the past several years.

I was born and raised in Hawaii for 18 years, went to college for 2 years in Washington, DC, then studied abroad in Shanghai, China for 1/2 year, after which I went back to DC to finish the 1.5 years left of college.  Post graduation, I moved to New York City to work for 1 year, then moved to Dallas 1.5 years to take care of my mother while she was battling cancer, and for the past 6 months I have bounced around a bit.  I visited Massachusetts, Maryland, DC, New York, and Washington State before making it back to Hawaii, where I’ve been for 4 months.

Now… I’m off to Sydney, Australia and I’m not sure why. 

Part of it is because I was bit by the travel bug several years ago and this is a great time for me to go off and see the world.  Another part of this trip fits in with the whole Looking For My Life theme here.  Finally, maybe another aspect of this trip is that I’m looking for a new home. 

I digress, the real question still remains.

What is home?

Home is where you grew up

This is probably the most obvious definition of “home.”

Where we grew up is often a place many people consider as their home.

Home is the place where in your childhood memories.  Home is the place where you fell off the swing at your elementary school playground.  Home is the place where you had your first piano recital.  Home is where everyone knows you.

Home is also where your friends and family are

Part of what made the place you grew up as your “home” is the people that you shared these childhood memories with at the time.

What if everyone or many people that you knew growing up moved to another city?  Would you still call the city you grew up in as home?

Maybe, but home is also the place where the people that matter to us are living.  In this case, if you grew up in New York, and your friends and family moved to say Los Angeles, L.A. may not feel like “home” to you, but it’ll be home in the sense that the people you care about live there.

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” – Robert Frost

 Stemming from where your family is located, home is also your safety net so to speak.

When I left Hawaii for college and my family was moving houses, my dad said to me, “You’ll always have a home with me.”

Home, at that point, became partly defined as a place in which I could go back to if I needed.

In fact, I’ve been staying here with my dad in Hawaii for the past few months.  It’s probably a bit longer than he’d like, but it’s been nice having this safety net while I’ve been getting ready for the next portion of my life’s journey.

Home is where your heart is

You may be split between the place you grew up and the place your friends and family are living.  If the two aren’t the same, it may be slightly more difficult to know what “home” is to you.

Alternatively, maybe your family moved around a lot as you were growing up.  Perhaps you lived in Chicago, London, Tokyo, and Buenos Aires as a child.  Which one of those places is your home? 

In this case, home is where your heart is at in life.  If you feel a gut reaction and inner connection to a place, that could very well be your home.

Home is where you make it

As I expressed my frustrations to my mother one time, about not returning to the “home” that I grew up in, and having family members move around a bit, she said to me:

“Home is where you make it.”

At the time, prior to my departure for college, my idea of home was to come back to the same place I grew up in as a child.

After hearing what my mom had said, and reflecting upon those words now, it couldn’t possibly ring more true.

I’m off to see the world and perhaps find a new place to call my “home.”  The reality is not that I’m finding a home, but creating one.

Finally, perhaps even more beautiful is the fact that after we’ve built these homes in different places, they will be there forever both in memory and in reality.

Ultimately, the upshot of all of this is that you end up with many homes, not just one.

** As a side note, this was going to the entry for my birthday, but instead I wrote about the 25 Lessons I’ve Learned After 25 Years of Living.  **

Image by GoGap via Flickr

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”

Brian Tracy

“To the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.”

Peter McWilliams

On June 6, I leave my hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii for Sydney, Australia to begin my world tour.

Living outside of the comfort zone, testing limits, and pushing oneself

As I’m preparing for this trip, I find myself especially nervous.  I have never done a trip of this magnitude and I feel like I’m gliding outside of my comfort zone.

Though I’ve traveled alone many times before, the longest I had traveled on my own was probably about a month.  This time around, I anticipate traveling solo for at least 2-3 months, and quite possibly for a year or longer if I find work in Europe or Asia.

Sure, there are websites like TravBuddy.com to help with finding a travel partner, and I will most certainly meet people along the way, but the prospect of venturing out into unfamiliar territories is both exciting and nerve-racking at the same time.  It is too easy to become accustomed to and depend upon the comforts of one’s home.

On top of traveling alone, I intend to try CouchSurfing.org, a site where travelers stay in people’s homes rather than in hotels or hostels.  The concept is great, since you get to stay with people who are familiar with the place, but the thought of staying with someone whom I’ve never met, tests my limits and has forced me out of my comfort zone.

When taking a look at your own life, think of a situation where you’ve been been out of your comfort zone.

Maybe your boss at work just promoted you to do his job while he goes on leave.  Perhaps your teacher assigned you five books to read by the end of the week, when you’re only used to reading one or two at most.  Finally, it could even be that you’re in a position where you’re moving to a new city and have no idea what to expect.

After thinking about a time in your life where you lived outside of your comfort zone, tested your limits, and pushed yourself, excitement is another thing to consider.

The Excitement eases the nervousness of testing your limits

I’m extremely excited as you can probably imagine.

This is a trip I have been wanting to do since 2007.  Instead of going on this trip back then, I decided to pursue another dream of mine: living in New York City and working in a major corporation.  Fortunately, another opportunity to do this has come up, and I’ve decided to pull the trigger this time.

When you have something to be excited about, you have a propellant to launch you forward despite the uneasy feelings you may have at the time.  You could also call this passion or even motivation.  Whatever label you choose, stay optimistic, and leverage this excitement to dampen the feelings of nervousness.

Whether you actively chose a particular path or life just sort of dealt you a new set of cards, focusing on this excitement can help ease the uncomfortable feeling of living outside of your comfort zone. 

The Upshot – Personal growth following discomfort

All in all, this will certainly be a phenomenal experience.  Testing my limits, pushing myself, and getting out of my comfort zone, will ultimately lead to self improvement whether I want it or not.

Looking For My Life, as a blog title, could not be more appropriate right now as I find inspiration in the world.  This journey of self-discovery, learning, and transformation, will be nothing short of amazing.

It is those times in your life when you are uncomfortable that will often be the most rewarding and fruitful.  Finding meaning in hardships can help you to cope with situations where you must push yourself.  Ultimately though, it is the excitement of this new and challenging experience, that will help you make it through these difficult times. 

If anything, when you find yourself outside of your comfort zone, testing your limits, and pushing yourself, perhaps it may not always be the best idea to take the path of least resistance, or you might just find yourself missing out on life’s magnificent rewards.