Looking For My Life

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How many times in your life have you heard someone talk about being a good listener?

Probably too many too remember.

The importance of being able to listen is common sense.

For people to talk to each other, one person must talk, and the other must listen.  If both people are talking at the same time, it’s nearly impossible to have a meaningful conversation.

So, here are 10 tips on how to become a better listener. 

1. Duct Tape Your Mouth Shut
   • Now, I know you didn’t expect me to say this, but give this a try in a literal (be careful) and figurative sense.  The first step toward developing better listening skills is to talk less.  Taping your mouth will force you to be silent and will help you to adapt to speaking in moderation.
2. Maintain Eye Contact
   • Nothing says, “I’m listening,” better than maintaining eye contact.  The listener should maintain eye contact with the person speaking, but shouldn’t stare.  Let the eye contact break once in a while, since the speaker will do it anyway, as he looks around to collect his thoughts on what to say.  Finally, keep in mind that direct eye contact may not be acceptable in some cultures.
3. Ask Relevant Questions
   • Asking questions that are relevant is crucial.  This is a feedback mechanism that indicates to the speaker you’re listening to what he is saying.  Be sure your question stays on topic or leads to the next logical point of discussion.  If he’s talking about his fear of failure, don’t start talking about changing poopy diapers. 
4. Nod Your Head
   • Nodding your head while the person is talking will help you to become a better listener.  When you nod, you become physically involved with the conversation.  This helps to keep you more engaged and tells the other person you’re not wandering off in outer space somewhere.
5. Contribute to the Conversation
   • Now wait, didn’t I tell you to duct tape your mouth shut?  Well… yeah, but sometimes you need to say something to let the person know you’re actively listening.  Otherwise, the person will just be talking to himself the whole time.  Being a good listener requires that you reciprocate by offering your knowledge, feelings, thoughts, etc. 
6. Duct Tape Your Friend’s Mouth Shut
   • What’s with all this duct taping?  I don’t know, but Home Depot will love me for getting you into their store!  Anyway, duct tape your friend’s mouth shut, or just talk so much he can’t say anything during the conversation.  Watch his reactions as you bore him to death with your monologue.  The person will either never talk to you again, or maybe you’ll see the pain he’s in and realize that to be a good listener you must talk less.
7. Mirror the Person’s Body Language
   • No, don’t copy everything the person says and does.  That would just be rude.  Mimic his body language, however, as it will make the person feel more comfortable.  If he’s slouching, with his butt practically falling off the chair, and you are sitting upright and erect, it could make him uncomfortable.  If the person is facing you directly, follow suit.  Mirroring someone helps both you and the speaker to become more in tune with each other.
8. Give Your Undivided Attention – Stay 100% Focused
   • Try to avoid texting, talking on the phone, looking around too much, shaking your legs, tapping your fingers, talking with others, or reading anything. How can you listen if you’re not paying attention to the person? Just sit there, and pay attention.
9. Avoid Judgment
   • There’s no better way to stop the flow of a conversation than to condemn the person for what they are saying.  Again, just sit there, and pay attention.  Your job is to listen, not to pass judgment.  Plus, “let he who has not sinned, cast the first stone.”  In other words, none of us are perfect, so none of us should judge others.  If you are too busy passing judgment, you cannot possibly be listening to the person.
10. Care About People
    • Finally, there’s no better way to become a better listener than to care about people.  When you are genuinely interested in what a person has to say, you will naturally tune in to the speaker.

Go forth into the world and level up your listening skills!  Lastly, even if you have no interest in how to become a better listener, try the duct tape exercise, it’ll make for an interesting experiment!