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Have you ever had a friend who asked you for advice?
Did he ask you for advice and do the opposite of what you said?
Maybe you got the feeling that he didn’t want your advice in the first place?
Perhaps, you’ve even felt as though he already decided what to do and only wanted you to give him the okay to proceed?
I’m sure we’ve all encountered this situation at one point or another in our lives.
Facing the frustration
It can certainly be frustrating when the person asks you for advice and doesn’t listen.
You might be thinking, “Why did you ask me in the first place if you didn’t really want to hear what I had to say?!”
“What an idiot,” you might think.
Perhaps even worse, maybe you think or feel that your friend is making a big mistake! Everything is crystal clear to you and you can’t understand why he didn’t listen!
Whatever it is that you are feeling, realize that this is natural and perhaps even a good thing.
Frustration means you care
The fact that you are frustrated during this process shows that you care about the person.
“The opposite of love is indifference,” my friend from college used to say. If you didn’t care about this person you probably wouldn’t have had that same emotional response.
Your concern for this person is admirable enough.
Focusing on the person
During times like these, when our friends seek advice from us, it is imp0rtant to remember that this is about the person and not ourselves.
It can be easy to focus on the frustration, especially if we think we’re right about what the person should do. When focusing on our frustration, however, we can hardly focus on the other person.
Resist the temptation to feed these feelings of frustration. Experience them, but let them pass.
Acknowledge their right to personal choice
Related to focusing on the person, is the acknowledgment that because the matter is about the person who approached you, recognize that he is entitled to follow your advice or not.
Just like your frustration indicates that you care about the other person, the fact that he or she is asking you specifically show that they value your opinion at least somewhat.
Support the person’s decision
After having expressed your thoughts on the situation, and the person deciding to do what they want to do anyway, all we can do is support the person.
We don’t necessarily need to agree with what the person will say or do, but we cannot change what course of action he or she will take.
Let the person know that you’re here for them regardless of the outcome.
Personal Growth Challenge – Letting others make their own mistakes
We may not always be “right” when it comes to the advice we give to others, but we may certainly think so. It may even turn out that we are wrong and the person’s decision worked out to their benefit.
Whatever the result, let’s challenge ourselves to be honest with people about we think and how they should proceed. Then after we’ve “said our piece,” let’s challenge ourselves to let the person decide for himself. Let’s challenge ourselves to support this person and his decision. Finally, let’s challenge ourselves to let others make their own mistakes and be comfortable with doing so.
Sometimes, the best way to learn in life is to learn through one’s mistakes. Don’t rob another person of this tremendous opportunity to learn. After all, we can always turn mistakes into opportunities.
